and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
