we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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