i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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