Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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