She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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