@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
