God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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