you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
