Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
