You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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