You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
as a side note pls kill me
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
