This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
