Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
