Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
