hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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