Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
