I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
