So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
