I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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