I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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