flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
