Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
