i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
