So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
