Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
