I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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