There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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