Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
