My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
