**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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