if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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