you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
