If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
