How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
