I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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