why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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