I CAN MOONWALK!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize