We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
