I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you would pick up someone in the library
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
