U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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