I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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