You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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