I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
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My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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