Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My ATM looks so different sober.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
