um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
