Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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