I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
