My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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