i think my tv is drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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