somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
