yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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