This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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