the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
