Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
