i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
