Having a random hookup so left but love u
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.