I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate