Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.