i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .