She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
