But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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