I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
