If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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