we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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