in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
